Somebody stop me!

UGH, been on an unhealthy kick again. It seems like it starts with a cold or illness and all rules get tossed out the window and I have a hard time picking back up. Well, it doesn't help that I haven't been 100% healthy for about five weeks.

Well, mom and dad are going to be here next week. I'm going to try to ease back into this though. So even if we eat out and snack a lot I will at least try to get back to my water drinking and daily vitamin until they are gone...

Thanks to those that have emailed and/or commented your thoughts have not gone un-noticed and appreciated, I just haven't been ready.

BTW, I need to update my ticker. Yesterday I ventured onto the scale and was at 261.

Not a suggested way to lose weight!

Well, so far I'm down 5 lbs+ in the last day. I had gone up a couple from some unhealthy choices. But I got the stomach flu. The kind that sends you to the potty several times an hour. It is not over yet. But perhaps getting to a new low will get me motivated to get back on track. Still not ready for salads. So for now, I'm just eating what I can stomach. So far that's been one muffin today.

Thank you to all those of you that tried to track me down when I dissappeared last week. Keep at me, it really does help! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Where have I been and am I back?

Well, I haven't had a horrible week away. I've been doing OK until last night when I had a high carb high calorie night. Friend called, headed to town, I'll write more later. If you don't see me, TRACK ME DOWN!!! I need the accountability!

Shopping went well.

Yesterday I went shopping and bought all healthful foods except for a bag of donuts I bought for the three year old because he asked and couldn't resist. I should have just bought him one of those individual packages in hind sight. Because I lasted all morning and then caved and ate about 6-7 of them in the afternoon! That's like 400 calories! UGH! And it was mindless too. If I had to have them I should have taken two or three out of the bag and put the rest away in the other room. But no I opened the bag and plopped down in front of the TV.

A funny thing though when my kids got home and raided the fridge my eight year old brought in the acorn squash I had bought and said, "mom this pumpkin isn't ripe." I thought that was so cute.

This morning I went and worked in her class at school making copies for the teacher and stuff. That was nice. I'm going to do that every Wednesday now.

My moods are still not great. I've been forgetting my multi-vitamin and I haven't exercised since Sunday!!!

I will not let my self lose sight of my goals!

Lots of Exercise!

Yesterday, I took the kids to the park to hike AFTER having worked on the renovation of my daughters' room all morning. We hiked 1.25 miles up and down hills and across bridges. The kids especially enjoyed the swinging bridge. I wish I had taken my camera. There were some really neat red mushrooms. Of course there were plenty of mosquitos, but I didn't end up with too many bites. After our hike we went to the playground and then put our feet in the swimming lake. It was a really nice time. BUT, I don't think I'll be taking the three year old on that long of a hike next time. I ended up having to carry him about a third of the way. Incidently, I've lost about as much as he weighs so I suppose it was a good recollection of hiking at my highest weight.

So how did I eat yesterday? Well. OK. No bad portions. Lots of water. But not enough veggies. In my defense the pickin's are getting very slim around here. I'll be grocery shopping tomorrow. I do have enough lettuce and tomato left for a salad. I'll be having that for lunch today.

I ate...

Well, I finally got motivated to do something. I cleaned the kitchen. Then I made dinner and chocolate cake. I believe I stayed within my goal of 1500-1800 calories today. But I did not get all the veggies I should have for the second day in a row. Tomorrow I will have a big salad for lunch!

Here is my plan for tomorrow:

Coffee - espresso and 2% milk

Breakfast - 1 waffle, syrup and butter, 4 oz OJ

Snack - mixed raw nuts

Lunch - Salad with tilapia

Dinner - Chicken, Brown Rice and green beans

Dessert - Leftover chocolate cake

Also, I promised my daughter I would take her hiking tomorrow. So there's my exercise!

Headed to get one last glass of water and multi-vitamin and then go to bed with hubby. There's exercise for today ;-)

Funk

I'm in some kind of a funk. I can't get motivated. I haven't eaten bad things today. But I just haven't eaten! I've had about 200 calories and its 2:46 p.m.!

Somebody slap me!

I'm going to eat something now!

Another low weight...

I know some don't agree with daily weighing. But it works for me. Because I can see how my weight cycles. That way, when I am up around TOM or ovulating I know that its just my cycle and it will come back down. Right now I'm really loving it!

But actually when I AM on an up swing I don't weigh as much because I don't want to see the number. Is that fair? I don't know. But its my life. I get to choose when I weigh right!

How often do you take your measurement? I've been taking mine once a month. And actually I didn't take them right when I started back. I took them on 9/3. So I guess I'll wait and do them at the beginning of each month.

I am feeling a little discouraged today. I think it is because I can not yet grocery shop and I really need some healthy things. But I will work with what I have. Latest case I'll be grocery shopping on Tuesday. I think today I will make up my best meal plans possible with what I have to last me until then. Otherwise I'll probably just give up and eat grilled cheese sandwiches and cereal!!!

I'm off to the kitchen with pen and paper. Watch for me to post my meals...

Not feeling as good tonight.

Well, the day started out fantastic. But I'm feeling a little nauseous so I didn't eat a great dinner. I had a grilled cheese sandwich and that all. I didn't take photos of my food today. Here's what I ended up eating. I don't think I went over in calories, but I definitely didn't get enough veggies or water today.

Coffee - espresso and 2% milk (DH went shopping and forgot I wanted 1%)

Breakfast - 1 fluffy farm fresh egg, 1 slice am cheese, 2 slices white bread (still need to do a good grocery trip), 4 oz OJ

Lunch - 1/2 portion of last nights stir fry (chicken, broccoli, couscous, almonds)

Dinner - 2 slices white bread, 2 slices am cheese, butter

The good news. Before I started feeling icky I did get my 15 mins of exercise in.

I'm going to go drink some water and take my multi and go to bed. Perhaps I'll feel better tomorrow.

A new decade!

It's going to be a great day! I got on the scale after my first morning bathroom stop and had to get on and off to double check. It said 259.6!!!

I'm so glad I stuck it out through TOM. It was very discouraging to start back with my healthy lifestyle only to gain a ton of weight with TOM. But I'm so glad I stuck with it. It came back off QUICK. Plateaus and gains have always been hard to get past for me.

Could the exercise be paying off this quickly? If that's what it is this is enough to keep me going until I can really make this a daily habit.

A two day streak!

I exercised for 15 minutes again today! I'm going to keep it at 15 minutes per day through next week. Then if that is feeling easy I'll add 5 minutes the following week.

Lyn's post on her blog really hit home for me today. She is my inspiration today. She had a good LIVING day!

Breakfast was actually nice. Except that we were out of regular milk and decided to use half and half in my espresso rather than opt for no caffiene. High fat and cholestorol but it was a conscious decision. So I had a light breakfast to go with it.

My morning snack was uneventful at best. But I'm running out of ideas. I really need to grocery shop but I'm trying to make it until Saturday before I do anymore shopping.

Lunch was yummy. I had a lovely salad and some leftover spaghetti.

Dinner was a new recipe revision. Basically is was chicken, broccoli, almond stir-fry on top of couscous. It was my first time making couscous and I think I'll use more water next time. It was dry and still a bit firm for my liking.

I ended the day at about 1500 calories but very high in sodium. I'll be surprised if I'm not bloated tomorrow! Using sparkpeople again has been enlightening. I remembered why I don't use catalina light. Its very high in sodium. And then there was soy sauce in the stir fry and the cheese in my morning snack was high in sodium too. Learning as I go I guess.

I need a plan!

I'm lost today...

I had a small breakfast with a heavy coffee. Here's the menu for today.

Coffee - espresso with 1/2 C. half-n-half and 2 Tbsp choc syrup (We are out of regular milk.)

Breakfast - 12 grapes and 12 almonds

Snack - 8 crackers and 1 slice american cheese

Lunch - Left over spaghetti, romaine lettuce, tomato, green onion and light catalina

Snack - 1 large stalk of celery with 2 Tbsp PB

Dinner - Chicken, Broccoli, Coucous (I think)

Update on last night

OK, here's last night's dinner. I added another veggie dish to up my calories a bit more. So I ended up at just over 1200 for the day.

Oh yeah, and most importantly... I EXERCISED! I jogged around while watching TV. I could only go for 12 minutes. Then I stretched and cooled down. My back is a little sore this morning. But other than that woo hoo. I'm going for 15 minutes again today. I will make this a habit if its the last thing I do!

Only 1100 calories!?!?!

OK, so I was curious how I was doing on calories and I entered my menu for today in Sparkpeople. It came up with 1107 calories! They think I should be eating 2,100 calories a day at my weight and activity level. That's nuts! OK 1,100 is probably low. But I don't think 2,100 is a good idea either. I think I'm going to shoot for 1500-1800 for now.

I like salad! I wish I liked exercise. I will make myself!

OK, here is my morning snack... (Was supposed to include nuts, but we were out.)

And here is my salad for lunch. OOPS I forgot the oz of cheese! The tomato is from my garden! Woo hoo! I'm excited because I wasn't a dedicated gardener this year so to get anything from it is amazing.

I am lucky that I love vegetables. Especially raw salads. If it were a chore to eat a salad I know this healthy living thing would be much more difficult.

I had lunch pretty late because I got tied up working and lost track of time. So I may skip my afternoon snack. We'll see. It's mostly starch anyway, so I wouldn't be losing out on a ton of nutrients by doing so.

I have managed to come up with all kinds of excuses not to exercise today. Its raining. I can't afford gas to drive somewhere I can walk inside. My VHS machine is not hooked up and I don't know how to hook it up and my only exercise video is VHS. All such good reasons, huh? Well, I'm not accepting them. I'm going to do 15 minutes of dancing to music if I have to! Today is the DAY! I will start this exercise habit NOW!

BTW, I'm doing great on my water today and peeing a ton! Perhaps I was retaining water from the weekend?

A new day, A new attitude!

I'm feeling much better today. I think the anticipation of getting on the scale was worse than actually doing it. OK, so it was a gain. But I always gain quite a bit at the end of TOM so this is no surprise. And frankly, its much less of a gain than I anticipated. I am so positive that it will be gone and take a couple of more pounds with it soon!

I started something new (its a stolen idea I know) today. I'm going to take pictures of my food.


Here is my breakfast. Notice it is as planned. Yeah me!

I'm still not convinced I am 100% with this new lifestyle. I will not believe myself until I have exercised regularly for a period of time. All of the weightloss stories that I read of people that have lost AND maintained include lots of regular exercise. I know this. I also know that my biggest and fastest losses have been when I was regularly getting exercise. I know this! So why have I not chosen to exercise? Just do it!!! (I know more stealing of ideas.)

Here are my inspirations for today.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/21627769/?pg=1#TDY_Joy_Fit_Club_Sept08

I also stumbled upon this blog last night and if you have time to read through it from beginning to date it is a cancer survivor story.
http://gosheri.blogspot.com/

That's it for now. If I get my butt in gear and exercise today, I'll come celebrate here.

Let's get this day over with and go on to the next!

OK, so after I left here I had an egg salad sandwich and a slice of celery. Then for dinner I had a small plate of spaghetti.

Not near the fruit or veggies I should have had today. Not enough calories today. But there wasn't a bunch of junk either.

I'm planning my day for tomorrow NOW!

I will get on the scale at 10 a.m. and report whatever horrid number it gives me. I put a reminder on my Outlook so I won't forget.

Coffee - espresso w/ 1% milk

Breakfast - 1 fluffy farm fresh egg scrambled, 1 serving oatmeal, 1 tsp butter, 2 tsp brown sugar, 1 C. 1% milk, grapes

Snack - nuts (I think I still have some), celery & 1 Tbsp PB

Lunch - Salad w/ 1 oz cheese and drizzle of light catalina

Snack - 1 small baked potato, salt, pepper and 1/2 Tbsp butter

Dinner - Tilapia, Brown Rice, Green Beans

I'm back - but HELP!

OK, I'm back but not doing good. I did gain some weight over the weekend. I didn't do great with my food choices. But I could have done worse. I had very little soda. I only had one beer. I tried to take more veggies than anything else at meals.

I am up in weight, but I don't know how much really. I'm scared to get on the scale. I'm bloated like crazy. TOM is almost over and I'm retaining water like crazy.

Today I have not eaten ANYTHING! BAD! I have had a large coffee with non-fat milk and no sugar. That's all! I must eat! I is almost 1 p.m.

I need to make a plan! I'm going to the kitchen to eat something! Probably an egg for protein and something... Perhaps some celery. I really need to grocery shop.

My goals have no changed. I will conquer! (I don't feel as motivated as that sounded...)

Good day yesterday. So so today

Well, I did good yesterday. I didn't even get the craving for dessert.

Today has been OK. Here's what I ate. It wasn't a great day.

Breakfast - Biscuit and gravy at DDs school and 1% milk

Snack - walnuts, sweet peppers

Lunch - stalk of celery, very small portion of pot roast left overs

snack - cheese crackers w/ PB (200 cals and high in sodium), nectarine

Dinner (Late) - Grilled cheese sandwich and soda!!! soda?!?! I don't even like it that much! DH brought it to me and I didn't turn it down!!!

TOM is here. Arrived this morning just in time for the boating trip. Isn't that nice. I'm bloated like there's no tomorrow! I don't even want to know what the scale would say. I've been sitting with my swollen feet up as much as possible.

I'm grouchy and tired. I bet I would feel much better if I had more veggies and less sugar and sodium today.

I am excited about the weekend though. The kids have not been on a boat before. So this will be lots of fun for our family. See you all back here Monday late or Tuesday!

Menu

Breakfast - 1/4 dried fruit, cinabon (screwed up I know)

Snack - Celery, 1 1/2 Tbsp PB

Lunch - 1/2 Tbsp Olive Oil, zuccini and yellow squash, 1 Tbsp parmesan cheese

Snack - nectarine, slice of swiss cheese

Dinner - Pot Roast, Potatoes and Carrots (reasonable portion is key)

Dessert - If chocolate craving, I'll make 1% pudding

Keeping the momentum

I have got a pretty good momentum going now. But I'm afraid this weekend will mess it up. I'm going to go into the weekend concentrating on portions and stopping when I'm full. I have little control over the foods served this weekend. And it has been years since I have visited my aunt and her husband so I have no idea what they will be serving.

So rules for this weekend:

1. Reasonable portions
2. Best choices from those offered
3. Stop eating when full
4. Limit alcohol to one drink per day
5. Drink as much water as possible
6. Take multi-vitamin daily

Yesterday was a pretty good day. I had planned pot roast for dinner, but forgot to get the crockpot going early enough. We were running around as a family last night and wouldn't be home with much time to spare before the kids bedtime. So we picked up a pizza. DH brought me two pieces. I at one and started on the second and then realized, hey I'm full and this is super greasy and icky... and I STOPPED! Put it down and didn't touch it again until... My youngest daughter came in crying because her brother took the last piece. So I gave her mine and she was happy and I didn't overeat! Woo Hoo! The rest of my menu was as planned with NO dessert.

TOM is due any moment. I wish it would just come already and be over with. I'm sure it will come as we are about to leave Saturday morning for the lake!!! Don't you think?!??!?

I'm really enjoying the support I get from my readers and at 3FC. My regular board on AOL has been quirky and so its quiet over there. I miss that group. That's where I lost my weight from my high of 292.

I'm so excited...

To have some more readers! Its so encouraging - Thank you all!

Today was pretty good. I stayed with my planned menu. I added two slices of whole wheat low cal bread to my lunch because I noticed I was low on the grains in my menu.

For dinner I ended up making bacon cheeseburgers for the family. I baked myself a chicken breast and used half of it and a slice of swiss cheese to make a chicken sandwich (no bacon) instead. I also put onions sauted in a tad of olive oil on it. It was so tasty. I wish I would have had a whole grain bun to put it on!

I did go a little overboard with the dessert. I made the homemade hot fudge and decided to make only a half batch so it would not be around to tempt me. Good thing, cause as it was I still ate more than I should have. Maybe next time a third of a batch so that there will be none left after I serve everyone.

But all in all a good day. I got a ton done around the house. Laundry, dishes, vacuuming... And I did some bookkeeping for a client too. I even danced around the house a bit while doing my chores so that I'd get a little extra movement in.

I'm up a couple of pounds at the moment, but I'm sure its headed back off quickly. I hope TOM comes and goes quickly.

Oh, I had my multi-vitamin and water today too.

Today's Inspiration!

This thread on 3FC brought tears to my eyes this morning...

http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=150111

It is my inspiration for today.

Weigh In

OK, I'm scale obsessed at the moment. But that's because I'm at my losing time of the month AND I have a new nifty scale. The interesting this is that this morning's weigh-in brought me to 260.8 which is even closer to what I had been guesstimating on my crappy scale yesterday morning.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Planning a menu for the day really helps. I still don't always get everything I plan down. Yesterday I never had my afternoon snack. Another note about my eating yesterday. I think that when I have a bigger more protein filled breakfast I don't want to much as much the rest of the day. I know I've read articles about that, but its interesting to see that it's true.

Last night I made a high fat meal for dinner. It was yummy. I'm aloud to have high fat meals. But I prefer they be made from real ingredients and that I have one reasonable portion. I even turned down the kids leftovers on their plates. Go me!

Oh, and a big accomplishment for me yesterday... After my protein rich breakfast I wasn't feeling hungry for lunch. In fact I had forgotten to eat lunch. I went to leave for Wal-Mart at close to 1 p.m., had my keys in hand and all. Then I realized I hadn't had lunch and going grocery shopping hungry would not be good. I didn't want to take the time to make the salad I had on my menu. So I took out three big romaine leaves, some cherry tomatoes and the leftover salmon. I wrapped some of the salmon and the tomatoes in the lettuce leaves and ate them. It saved time AND salad dressing calories to boot. On top of that I was able to stick to my list at the store and only buy healthy items. I even made it past the crunch-n-munch at the checkout. One of my weaknesses is to buy a box of crunch-n-munch at the checkout and have it eaten by the time I get home.

Definitely making progress! Yeah!

More scale obsession

OK, so my new scale is a highlight of my day... I was IMing with a dear friend of mine in Arizona and here was our conversation... It cracked me up.

Vonavie: Got a new scale today.
FRIEND: it shows you as 125?
Vonavie: That would be a keeper of a scale. But a broken one for sure.
FRIEND: lol
Vonavie: If I was 125 pounds I'd be skin and bone with no organs.
FRIEND: figured you wouldn't buy a new scale unless you wanted one that lied to you
Vonavie: I was tired of my dial scale that no longer stays at zero. I would take the beginning weight and subtract it from whatever I got stepping on it.
FRIEND: o
Vonavie: Do that about three times getting off and on and then average it LOL
FRIEND: rofl!
FRIEND: keeps your math skills up to date!
Vonavie: weighing myself was getting quite time consuming
Vonavie: true that
Vonavie: perhaps it was good step aerobics though
FRIEND: rofl

Then later in our conversation I went to the bathroom and came back...

Vonavie: ib
Vonavie: I'm obsessed with my new scale... Funny thing... I lost a pound in the last hour LOL. OK, so no scale is perfect.
FRIEND: wb
FRIEND: rofl! sounds like it's perfect to me!
FRIEND: with this new scale you can lose 24 pounds a day!
Vonavie: Yes Perfect! A wise investment!

I have a real weight!

OK, it wasn't as bad as I had thought it may be. I got the new scale and it put me back up a little. But hey, that could be the different time of day I'm weighing or anything! So my scale wasn't as terribly off as I feared.

My real weight is 263.4 so I just "gained" back 3.4 pounds in a matter of five hours LOL. I'm OK. I was afraid it would put me back up to the 270s or even something more horrible.

Onward and downward!

A loss (I think!)

Well I got on the scale this morning... Let me preface that by saying its the old dial style crappy scale. And besides that, I can no longer get it to set itself back to zero. So I take the beginning number and subtract that from the weight I get when I get on.

It showed a 6 pound loss!!! Woo Hoo!

That being said, I think I'm going to buy a new scale today. One of those digital numbers that gives you your weight to the tenth. I want to spend about $20-$30 this time. I hope that will be enough to get something descent. I fear though that when I get a new scale I'll have to post a new, higher, more accurate weight.

So how am I doing on my goals this week? Well, I'm still not motivated to exercise. Not once! The multi-vitamin has become a habit though. And my water intake is definitely improving. Yesterday, making up a meal plan really helped. I pretty much stuck to it.

But then PMS got the best of me and I made some brownies. That's OK. I did better than I would have in the past. I made a small batch (the square pan size) so that the family would eat them all last night. I cut it into 16 little squares. That made enough for each kid to have two and each adult to have three - a reasonable amount. Here's where my plan failed... The kids for some odd and unknown reason (must get this from their father) didn't eat all of theirs?!?! So that left an extra three brownies and you can guess who ate them! Good thing I only made that small batch or I'd be having them for breakfast this morning too! And here's the really sad and guilty part. My six year old daughter came in crying this morning because she had left one of her brownies intentionally to eat for breakfast. I'm a heel!!! That made me feel horrid. What a way to start the day. But it gives me new motivation to not be THAT mommy.

So here is my meal plan for today.

Coffee - Espresso, 2% milk (I'm a quick study), chocolate syrup

Breakfast - 1 egg, 1 bacon, 2 slices 45 cal whole grain bread, nectarine

Snack - walnuts

Lunch - Salad w/ light catalina and salmon

Snack - Grapes (I think we still have some.)

Dinner - something with shrimp... I'm going to go recipe searching. I'm getting board with my dinners. I think I'll get a fresh veggie at the grocery store... I have broccoli and salad but I've had enough of those lately.

Dessert (Being realistic) - Chocolate pudding w/ a dollop (sp?) of cool whip'


Things to buy at Walmart today:
A new scale!
1% milk
fresh veggies and fruit

Punishment

OK, I have not had a gall bladder since December 2005. You'd think by now I'd remember I can not have things like half-and-half!!! I'm paying for that mocha I made this morning! Mental note to self... 2% or better next time!

Not doing well...

Well, I've managed to keep up the multi-vitamin intake most nights. But other than that, I'm not doing great. My moods are horrid. This morning I have made myself an iced cafe mocha in hopes of motivating myself with some major caffiene. We'll see if it works.

I'm being stubborn. I probably need some depression medication. But I hate taking meds... I keep thinking I can kick this on my own if I just do the things I know I need to do even if I don't feel like it. But then I don't do them...

Today I will concentrate on laundry and dishes. I will have a bowl of cereal for breakfast. In fact, I think I'll make up a menu for today...

Coffee - Espresso, chocolate syrup and half and half (But I will do better)

Breakfast - HBoO w/ 2% milk and a nectarine

Snack - Walnuts

Lunch - Salad, w/ light catalina, a slice of swiss cheese and a pieces of whole grain bread

Snack - Baked potato with a bit of butter

Dinner - Salmon, Brown Rice, Broccoli

Water, Water, Water!!!

Not my fault!

OK, the eating was my fault. But the none posting was out of my control. My Internet went down on Friday and has been down until just about 15 minutes ago. So how have I done?

Well, let's see. I have had breakfast each day (at least one). Saturday was not so good. I made double chocolate chip cookies AND Juniors Famous Cheesecake. I took that and lasagne and salad and buttery garlic bread over to a friends house for dinner. Ate like a pig! I did have my multi-vitamin every night except one.

I did OK, but not great. And I'm up in weight I believe. Probably mostly due to all the sodium I've had in the last couple of days.

But the kids all started school today and I'm going to start exercising daily. I did OK with my goals last week so I'm going to add one for this week. Here they are...

1. More water daily
2. Multi-vitamin daily
3. Breakfast daily
4. Blog daily
5. 15 minutes of extra movement of some kind daily

And over all I'm going to try to do better on food choices. But that will not be my main concern yet. I think where I have failed in the past is in the lack of exercise. So I am going to make it a focus to make exercise a real regular habit.

Planning Needed

OK, too many errands and school open houses and not enough preplanning for food choices. So today was a bust foodwise. But I did drink a little water and take my vitamin. But I did NOT eat breakfast. Just didn't even cross my mind this morning. I did have a fun day with the kids though.

We were running all day getting the last of the school supplies. We took Ryan to the doctor. And went to four school open houses at three different schools. Whew!

It did remind me that I need to get the weight off. I was in so much pain at the end of the day from all the walking. When I was down in the 230s I didn't get this pain.

I snuck onto the scale this morning and I was down a couple of pounds. I'm not counting it until official weigh in though.

Speaking of weigh in. I had way too much sodium today. I expect to be very bloated for the next day or two. I hope it goes away before weigh in. ::Running to kitchen to get tall glass of water::

So what will I do to improve on days that I will be out of the house?

1. Take healthy snacks.
2. Take water bottle for thirst.
3. Plan ahead what healthy food I may buy.

Ugh

Not a good day. But I had breakfast, HBoO. Other things I ate today included two grilled cheese sandwiches. Some raw nuts. A little bit of water. I did have my multi-vitamin tonight. At some point I had a small bowl of ice cream.

I did manage to get the kids school supplies organized and make a list of the things I need to buy before open house tomorrow night. I also put one load of laundry in tonight. Perhaps I'm starting to function again? Tomorrow I have to. So maybe it will be the jump start to something I can keep going. It usually helps to get out of the house.

Tomorrow will better mood wise I'm sure.

Still going...

Another day with goals for the week met.

And although I'm not in full healthy mode. But I did make some better choices today. In fact we had a very healthy dinner.

Lemon Pepper Tilapia
Broccoli
Brown Rice

Also, I did make dessert. But instead of making a double batch of brownies, I made a normal batch and that only made one serving for each family member. So they are gone now so I won't be tempted by them all night or for breakfast!

This morning I had a bowl of HBoO. I had pistachios at lunch time (too many). I had a pear sometime today.

I'm having mood issues still. But still seeing an improvement.

I've also returned to my AOL Message Board for support. They are a great group there.

Who knows how much I weigh.

That's a statement not a question. You don't have to try and guess.

My scale is awful. Its one of the cheapest ones that you can buy. Everytime I get on it when I get back off it stays about 10 pounds above zero. If I get back on it, it weighs me about 5-10 lbs higher than the time before. If I reset it I get the original reading or something close. So I'm going with the original reading. But who knows for sure... nobody.

And I didn't weigh at the optimal time of day. I weighed with all my clothes on (no shoes) at 5:10 p.m.

So what's the number? I was close in my guesstimate yesterday. I'm going with 266 from my "who knows" scale. I've gained more than half of what I had lost. Bummer. But I'm still down 26 from my all time high. Whew.

So that's my new starting point 266.

So how have I done today...

Last night I had my multi-vitamin.
I have drank some water. (Not enough, but some which is more than I was. Progress.)
I had string cheese for breakfast. (Better than nothing.)
And I'm here blogging/journalling.

So Day 1 goes down as a success.

I watched a rerun of the Dr. Phil 1000th episode today. (I didn't see it whenever it was originally on.) It was more motivation for me. I can change my habits. I have the power. Boy do I wish I had Dr. Phil sitting on my shoulder all day every day though!

My kids need a happy healthy mom. I need to take care of me! I am worth it! No more slow suicide by mouth!

A New Beginning

I'm at a low point yet again. And I'm not referring to my weight. Rather my mood.

I need to get healthier. And yes that will involve losing weight. But more importantly I need to eat all the nutrients I need to stay happy and healthy. When I eat from all the healthy food groups not only does it help my waistline. But it also improves my moods.

Back on December 24, 2006 I started making healthier choices. At that time I was at my all time high weight of 292. I started simply by making better choices. For example if I went to McDonalds I didn't go for salad. But I had water instead of soda. I incorporated a phylosophy that I could eat anything I wanted. As long as I had ONE serving. You see it is OK to have a PIECE of cheesecake. But half of a cheesecake is not such a good choice. I concentrated on getting in all the nutrients I needed to keep my body healthy.

Well, I got back to old bad habbits and after being as low as 232, I'm now back up to 265 I believe. I will get on the scale tomorrow to give the real number. Oh I hope its not more depressing than that. But I don't dare weigh at night... So we'll see.

Another thing I tend to do is NOT eat. I figure I'm going to make a bad choice if I go in the kitchen so its better to stay out. But then I get hungry and binge on junk.

So what's the plan?

This week is my children's last week of summer break. So I'm going to start simple.

1. I will drink more water.
2. I will have a multi-vitamin each night before bed.
3. I will eat breakfast every day.
4. I will journal here about my moods and the status of the above goals.

That's it. I can do this.